Waiting on the World to Change? Please Stop.

I am fundamentally uncomfortable with being told to wait.  It’s a general statement: I just don’t wait well.   I am not patient – I need to know the ten steps that will be taken to get a task done, I need a clear end goal, a plan, a quantifiable result.  I know that it can be a huge hindrance, especially with a faith that often asks me to wait on God’s call. It’s also what can make me an effective leader and hopefully, in the future, an effective voice for change.

Realizing this about myself goes a long way to explain why I haven’t become involved in the Occupy Wall Street movement. It is a different kind of action, an action of presence and waiting. It is a beautiful way to make a statement, and I admire those who are dedicating themselves to this effort. I am interested to see how this movement sustains and what comes next. Perhaps when they need planners, I’ll be able to lend my help. 

We hear it a lot in this advent season, the idea of waiting and preparing for Christ. Last night’s advent service in Drew’s chapel was an incredible production, with amazing music, skits, dance, liturgy, and the entire sanctuary had been transformed to reflect the theme: Occupy Advent.  They talked about the importance of waiting for God to come and waiting in those moments of oppression for deliverance. 

I left the service annoyed. 

So, I Saw A Nobel Laureate Today...

Todays was the opening of Women's Division meeting.  We were up at the Interchurch Center, a beautiful building and a sister to my supervised ministry site, the CCUN.  When I got there, I was told that in the same building, Leymah Gbowee was doing a book signing and to promote a new PBS series called Women, War, and Peace.

Leymah Gbowee was one of three women who won a Nobel Peace Prize this morning.

We were changing the schedule of the meetings so everyone could attending the signing.  Of course, it quickly moved from a signing to an event with press and her talking and a lot more than the 35 people they'd originally expected.  So we entered the chapel at 3pm and waited for her to enter the room.  She came in to a sustained standing ovation, and then took to the mic.  She talked for a few minutes and then took questions.  It was pretty incredible.  I've put all the quotes below that I could write down, I'll try to provide context if needed, but hopefully some of her words of wisdom will inspire you.  I left the room glowing, it was amazing to be with someone who has such a powerful presence.

I found out later how she found about winning. She was on a flight to New York for the book signing event when her publicist emailed her that she'd won.  The people around her were asleep or engrossed in their own books.  She tapped a guy near her and said "hey, I just won the Nobel Peace Prize."  Someone near them googled it, held up the iPad and said "it IS her."

Here are some bits of her talk to us this afternoon.  None of it was prepared.  She's hilarious, warm and brilliant.  I am so grateful I had the opportunity to be in her presence on such a huge day for her:

Memories of Esquire

My heart hurts today.

I was like a nervous 18 year old away from home for the first time when I arrived in Madison, NJ.  I'd had a horrible day of flying, almost missed my flights, bumpy rides, and then a dash from cabs to trains with 900lbs of luggage.  By the time I was finally here at Drew, I was exhausted and cranky.  My roommate Julie picked me up from the train station and as we pulled into my new home, I had that total panic of "what if this is all wrong."

Waiting in my apartment was Esquire.  She was an orientation leader, and was staying with us for a few nights.  She looked at me, said "you're not a hugger, I can tell.  But I am."  And she pulled me into that warm kind of hug that lets you know you are completely loved.  She was my first look at what community should be.  We stayed up and talked, Julie, Esquire, and I.  We talked about how I'd come here, what I wanted to do, and very early on, we talked about why I'm fighting for ordination of gay clergy in the UMC church.  It was the last point that sealed our friendship, I think.  Esquire is a a gay woman who was so vibrantly called to a life of ministry and was rightfully frustrated that any church would try to invalidate her call.

I felt privileged to be her friend.  Everyone loved Esquire, she had such a warm presence and open heart.  She became my go-to person when I was frustrated or overwhelmed or just didn't understand why someone was being a jerk.  She had wise words that tempered my quick emotions.  She had amazing hugs.

Esquire died of a heart attack yesterday morning and I don't really know what to do with that.  She is at the heart of this community for me.  Her presence in the choir, in the back of my classes, or as an occasional third roommate helped make this my home.  It just hurts so much.

Last night some of us had an impromptu gathering, I think just needing to be around other people who were going to miss her too.  As we talked about memories, I think all of us remembered her incredible gift of music.  Here's a video of her conducting the choir during SPECTRUM's (the LBGTQI caucus) chapel service.  I can't watch it yet, but I hope that a few of y'all can be touched by her incredible gift.

My heart just hurts today.

Can Community Outreach Ever Be Harmful?

Obviously, all the "what I'm actually doing posts" will have to wait until I get home to Jersey, which is very very soon!  Here is something I wrote for a forum entry for class, that I thought might be interesting for y'all.

As I'm wrapping up my time (I leave Saturday!  Oh my gosh!)  I have many thoughts running through my head.  But one of the things that has been most interesting for me is being able to observe and interact with some many types of outreach in Memphis.  It has given me the opportunity to really examine the methods, but more than that I've come to realize that sustainable success is really dictated by the attitude that one brings to the work.

I am overwhelmed by the idea of writing about what I've been doing here in Memphis.

A Witness

As part of the day-camp I led, we visited Rhodes College to learn about their work perserving the oral histories of civil rights leaders in Memphis. We watched the interview with Rev. Billy Kyles, one of the three people in the hotel room with Rev. Dr. King just before his assassination, and the only living witness. He says so many incredible things, but this quote has stayed in my heart since then:

I often wondered why I was there at that moment. But I've come to realize that every crucifixion needs a witness... And they said, “We will shoot this dreamer and see what happens
to his dream." That's where the witness comes in. The witness will
tell all who will listen, "Yes, you can kill the dreamer, but no, you
absolutely cannot kill the dream.”

More soon, I promise!!

Walking in Memphis (Grocery Stores)

That's the last time probably that I'll use that song. Maybe.

We talked in our Shalom internship training about the the ways to examine your community, and my mom reminded me of one when she asked about grocery prices in Memphis. Now, I have to admit that I don't really watch grocery prices in Madison because there aren't a lot of options and I already know I'm paying way more than I would back home. So I can't really talk price comparisons. I do know that I spent more at Krogers (same as Fred Meyer grocery for my west coast friends) than I do at Trader Joes. I also went to Whole Foods and they are the same amount of overpriced everywhere. But they had coconut water and that's what matters. However, I did notice a big difference in selection.

A friend of mine at school observed that Madison grocery stores were clearly upscale because they had a really small. Top Ramen selection. In Memphis, they had a lot of Ramen. They also have a lot of processed and canned meat and not a lot of things like frozen or fresh fish. Kettle chips and rice cakes were in the separate "health food" section, rather than regular snack foods like I'm used to. None of it was major, but overall I felt like healthier options were just a bit harder to find. I started to see where the idea that healthy eating is more expensive: if the options aren't at Krogers, you would have to go to really expensive places like Whole Foods. When the processed food is more obvious in the stores and therefore more familiar to cook with, it takes deliberate education to learn healthier eating habits.

Also, they have a LOT of BBQ sauce options.

Shalom, my friends!

Oh man.  Life has been pretty amazing lately.  I finished classes on May 11 and I loved my classes, but I was ready for summer.  Or, at least as ready as I can be for a crazy-busy summer.

So here are the important things to know:
I was asked to intern for the Communities of Shalom.  Yay!!  And I was asked to serve in Memphis, TN.  I'm working in the Center for Transforming Communities, but I'll be doing actual work with several different Shalom sites around Memphis.  It's interesting, I get to learn about different areas within Memphis and the different types for work that are necessary.  I'm here in Memphis now, and I will be here until July 16, and I will be updating with a lot more information as I go.  (I promise!!)

I was also asked to lead new student orientation for our Theo school in August.  Basically, this means I help run the welcome week for everyone who will be joining our community next year.  I'm really excited that I was asked to do this, and I cannot wait to start working on how to make everyone fall in love with Drew Theo the way I did.

In final fun news, I tentatively have my supervised ministry assignment for next year.  As an M.Div, I have to do a year long internship.  Most students work at churches as assistant student pastors or, more often, youth leaders.  I have had amazing opportunities both in youth leadership and as a student pastor, so I was hoping for something a little different.  I interviewed with the Church Center for the United Nations.  It's located right across the street from the U.N., which is pretty amazing.  I would be working with the Chaplain, who in turn works with groups like the United Methodist Women, the Committee on Religion Non-Government Organizations, and an ecumenical women's organization.  She also provides hospitality for any groups visiting the UN and runs a weekly prayer service out of the chapel.  The chapel is beautiful.  It has a giant stained glass window that depicts the eye of God, looking out on the UN and into the chapel.

I would be working there twice a week, taking a class for the internship, and then still taking regular classes and working at my student job.  Sounds like a relaxing year!!

I don't get to go back west at all this summer, but I think it's well worth if for everything I get to do.  I am loving Memphis so far (although I've only been here for 24 hours) and I think I'm going to have some pretty fantastic opportunities.  I'm really trying to be involved in everything I can, because the "real world" doesn't offer experiences quite the way that school can.

In non-me related news, Hillview UMC just became the first reconciling United Methodist Church in the whole state of Idaho!  They have now affirmed that We are a Reconciling Congregation, welcoming all persons into full participation in the life of the congregation regardless of age, sexual orientation, gender identity, family configuration, racial or ethnic background, economic status, or mental or physical abilities.  As we journey to the reconciliation of all persons as children of God, we celebrate our human family's diversity.  I am really proud to be sponsored by a Reconciling congregation, and I will continue to hope that more churches take this stand.  Hopefully someday this will be a standard for all UMChurches rather than a statement that sets a church apart.

Letter To Shane Claiborne

On February 22, Shane Claiborne came to speak at Drew.  He is the author of The Irresistible Revolution and Jesus for President.  He is also the founder of a movement called The Simple Way.  They are a group that lives and work with poverty in innercity Philadelphia.  He preaches a message of giving up wealth and signs of "kingdom" in order to authentically follow Christ's call.  A lot of what he says is good... in theory.  He actually hasn't organized enough to affect systematic change in any meaningful ways within his community.  Many people right in the area of his movement have never heard of the work he is doing.   I had my concerns that his books were the only real result of his work. BUT!  I was interested to hear what he had to say.

I was disappointed.  I think, despite my reservations, I wanted him to prove me wrong.  But first, his talks stuck very much to his books, so none of the stories or messages were new.  He also seemed to dodge questions.  I'm not sure if he was just unwilling to engage, or uncomfortable in the environment, or both.  He also tends to speak in absolutes.  Saying things like "guns are never necessary" and then  telling funny anecdotes about being grateful for armed guards in Iraq.  It's a minor quibble, except it's something that troubled me throughout his books.  He seemed almost self-righteous in some parts of his first book about the decisions he'd made to give up all material wealth.  However, he never discusses the challenges, nor does he really dig into how different it is for someone with a safety net of family, education, health, and wealthy church community than it is for those who are forced into poverty. I think we need to have those discussion, acknowledge that there is tension between idealism and reality.  That doesn't mean we can give up on idealism, it just means we have to constantly be honest about the struggle. For one of my classes, we had to write a letter to one of the speakers that came to our campus, so I thought I'd post my letter to him here.  I am very encouraged by the work that he does, I want to be clear about that.  I just think that other Christian leaders who herald him as the hope for Christianity and the founder of a sweeping new movement might be a little hasty.

Ultraviolet by Joshua Bennett

Much to say, much to say, and I'm planning a longer post soon. But first, I wanted to post this video.  It was recommended viewing for my Religion and the Social Process class.  We are discussing eco-theology and how environmental negligence disproportionately impacts minority communities. I found it incredibly powerful.  Please, check it out!

...and I'm halfway there

Spring Break!  Which really means time to work on mid-terms. I really only thought I was a week in, it's amazing how busy I have been.  I increased my class load this semester, but it's been good.

I only had a short visit home and then came back for a week long class titled "Leadership for Community Development."  It was a really great class, we learned a lot of skills for community development.  I think one of the most important pieces is constant emphasis on change coming from the inside out.  That is, we can't walk into a community and tell them what they need to do to be "better."  Rather, we have to listen to each person, their needs, and find out what they are willing to do in order to change.  It's a required course in order to do a Community of Shalom internship, which I interviewed for last week.  Prayers would be very appreciated for that, I'd be thrilled to have the opportunity.

This semester, I'm taking New Testament Studies, Pastoral Formation, Religion and the Social Process, Evangelism in the UMC, and Shame and Grace in the 21st Century.   I'm really loving them.  Shame and Grace is actually a PhD course, so it's a ton of reading and it is really psychology-based reading, but I'm keeping up pretty well.  Religion and the Social Process is a look at various groups in society that face oppression and the way religion both contributes and stops these problems.  It's intense, for sure, but completely necessary.  My professor for New Testament studies is an amazing scholar and I'd love to grow up to be just like her.

I'm still working around 20 hours a week.  So yes, my life is full.  But I'm happy, and that's what matters most.

I'm starting to think more and more about what comes next. I need to figure out internship opportunities I want to take, if I want to graduate early, what I do with my life IF I graduate early, all of that fun stuff.  It's stressful, but the good kind of stressful.  I have a lot of opportunities and I'm constantly looking to clarify my call.

I did have SOME fun over break, I went to Michigan to visit Jessica and her husband Audie.  I don't see her anywhere close to often enough, so it was really wonderful to have a stretch of time in which we got to do anything and nothing.  I visited the Michigan Brewing Company, the Michigan State Dairy Store (which has AMAZING ice cream that is made by students!  Who even milk the cows!!)  and Detroit.  Detroit was... sad... actually.  It's a ghost town.  I've never been in a major city with no signs of life in the  middle of the day.  But we had wonderful Greek food and took a driving tour of the rest of the city.  It was once beautiful.  I'm sure it will be again.

I need to dive back into my papers, I had really hoped that I'd update more often, but it just hasn't worked out that way.  Someday, someday I will be a good blogger.  Probably.

Oh!  And I had to create a Twitter account for my evangelism class.  I wanted to keep it separate from my main one, so you can also find me at:  JanessaAtDrew.  Check it out if you'd like!