Waiting on the World to Change? Please Stop.

I am fundamentally uncomfortable with being told to wait.  It’s a general statement: I just don’t wait well.   I am not patient – I need to know the ten steps that will be taken to get a task done, I need a clear end goal, a plan, a quantifiable result.  I know that it can be a huge hindrance, especially with a faith that often asks me to wait on God’s call. It’s also what can make me an effective leader and hopefully, in the future, an effective voice for change.

Realizing this about myself goes a long way to explain why I haven’t become involved in the Occupy Wall Street movement. It is a different kind of action, an action of presence and waiting. It is a beautiful way to make a statement, and I admire those who are dedicating themselves to this effort. I am interested to see how this movement sustains and what comes next. Perhaps when they need planners, I’ll be able to lend my help. 

We hear it a lot in this advent season, the idea of waiting and preparing for Christ. Last night’s advent service in Drew’s chapel was an incredible production, with amazing music, skits, dance, liturgy, and the entire sanctuary had been transformed to reflect the theme: Occupy Advent.  They talked about the importance of waiting for God to come and waiting in those moments of oppression for deliverance. 

I left the service annoyed. 

So, I Saw A Nobel Laureate Today...

Todays was the opening of Women's Division meeting.  We were up at the Interchurch Center, a beautiful building and a sister to my supervised ministry site, the CCUN.  When I got there, I was told that in the same building, Leymah Gbowee was doing a book signing and to promote a new PBS series called Women, War, and Peace.

Leymah Gbowee was one of three women who won a Nobel Peace Prize this morning.

We were changing the schedule of the meetings so everyone could attending the signing.  Of course, it quickly moved from a signing to an event with press and her talking and a lot more than the 35 people they'd originally expected.  So we entered the chapel at 3pm and waited for her to enter the room.  She came in to a sustained standing ovation, and then took to the mic.  She talked for a few minutes and then took questions.  It was pretty incredible.  I've put all the quotes below that I could write down, I'll try to provide context if needed, but hopefully some of her words of wisdom will inspire you.  I left the room glowing, it was amazing to be with someone who has such a powerful presence.

I found out later how she found about winning. She was on a flight to New York for the book signing event when her publicist emailed her that she'd won.  The people around her were asleep or engrossed in their own books.  She tapped a guy near her and said "hey, I just won the Nobel Peace Prize."  Someone near them googled it, held up the iPad and said "it IS her."

Here are some bits of her talk to us this afternoon.  None of it was prepared.  She's hilarious, warm and brilliant.  I am so grateful I had the opportunity to be in her presence on such a huge day for her:

Memories of Esquire

My heart hurts today.

I was like a nervous 18 year old away from home for the first time when I arrived in Madison, NJ.  I'd had a horrible day of flying, almost missed my flights, bumpy rides, and then a dash from cabs to trains with 900lbs of luggage.  By the time I was finally here at Drew, I was exhausted and cranky.  My roommate Julie picked me up from the train station and as we pulled into my new home, I had that total panic of "what if this is all wrong."

Waiting in my apartment was Esquire.  She was an orientation leader, and was staying with us for a few nights.  She looked at me, said "you're not a hugger, I can tell.  But I am."  And she pulled me into that warm kind of hug that lets you know you are completely loved.  She was my first look at what community should be.  We stayed up and talked, Julie, Esquire, and I.  We talked about how I'd come here, what I wanted to do, and very early on, we talked about why I'm fighting for ordination of gay clergy in the UMC church.  It was the last point that sealed our friendship, I think.  Esquire is a a gay woman who was so vibrantly called to a life of ministry and was rightfully frustrated that any church would try to invalidate her call.

I felt privileged to be her friend.  Everyone loved Esquire, she had such a warm presence and open heart.  She became my go-to person when I was frustrated or overwhelmed or just didn't understand why someone was being a jerk.  She had wise words that tempered my quick emotions.  She had amazing hugs.

Esquire died of a heart attack yesterday morning and I don't really know what to do with that.  She is at the heart of this community for me.  Her presence in the choir, in the back of my classes, or as an occasional third roommate helped make this my home.  It just hurts so much.

Last night some of us had an impromptu gathering, I think just needing to be around other people who were going to miss her too.  As we talked about memories, I think all of us remembered her incredible gift of music.  Here's a video of her conducting the choir during SPECTRUM's (the LBGTQI caucus) chapel service.  I can't watch it yet, but I hope that a few of y'all can be touched by her incredible gift.

My heart just hurts today.

Can Community Outreach Ever Be Harmful?

Obviously, all the "what I'm actually doing posts" will have to wait until I get home to Jersey, which is very very soon!  Here is something I wrote for a forum entry for class, that I thought might be interesting for y'all.

As I'm wrapping up my time (I leave Saturday!  Oh my gosh!)  I have many thoughts running through my head.  But one of the things that has been most interesting for me is being able to observe and interact with some many types of outreach in Memphis.  It has given me the opportunity to really examine the methods, but more than that I've come to realize that sustainable success is really dictated by the attitude that one brings to the work.

I am overwhelmed by the idea of writing about what I've been doing here in Memphis.

A Witness

As part of the day-camp I led, we visited Rhodes College to learn about their work perserving the oral histories of civil rights leaders in Memphis. We watched the interview with Rev. Billy Kyles, one of the three people in the hotel room with Rev. Dr. King just before his assassination, and the only living witness. He says so many incredible things, but this quote has stayed in my heart since then:

I often wondered why I was there at that moment. But I've come to realize that every crucifixion needs a witness... And they said, “We will shoot this dreamer and see what happens
to his dream." That's where the witness comes in. The witness will
tell all who will listen, "Yes, you can kill the dreamer, but no, you
absolutely cannot kill the dream.”

More soon, I promise!!

Walking in Memphis (Grocery Stores)

That's the last time probably that I'll use that song. Maybe.

We talked in our Shalom internship training about the the ways to examine your community, and my mom reminded me of one when she asked about grocery prices in Memphis. Now, I have to admit that I don't really watch grocery prices in Madison because there aren't a lot of options and I already know I'm paying way more than I would back home. So I can't really talk price comparisons. I do know that I spent more at Krogers (same as Fred Meyer grocery for my west coast friends) than I do at Trader Joes. I also went to Whole Foods and they are the same amount of overpriced everywhere. But they had coconut water and that's what matters. However, I did notice a big difference in selection.

A friend of mine at school observed that Madison grocery stores were clearly upscale because they had a really small. Top Ramen selection. In Memphis, they had a lot of Ramen. They also have a lot of processed and canned meat and not a lot of things like frozen or fresh fish. Kettle chips and rice cakes were in the separate "health food" section, rather than regular snack foods like I'm used to. None of it was major, but overall I felt like healthier options were just a bit harder to find. I started to see where the idea that healthy eating is more expensive: if the options aren't at Krogers, you would have to go to really expensive places like Whole Foods. When the processed food is more obvious in the stores and therefore more familiar to cook with, it takes deliberate education to learn healthier eating habits.

Also, they have a LOT of BBQ sauce options.